There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
