Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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