I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
