If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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