"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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