Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm really into asian looking animals
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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