I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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