guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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