Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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