you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
