I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
