I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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