Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
