so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
