Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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