He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
