i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
