I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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