Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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