I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
