Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
