The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
