I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
