We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
