I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize