carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
