Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
