I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
