We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
