New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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