I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
