Yo dont text me then not text me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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