this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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