As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
