my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
