Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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