It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
