I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize