Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
