Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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