Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
