I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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