I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
