im drinking this country out of the recession.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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