there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
