I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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