doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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