i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
