i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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