tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
