Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
