that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
