Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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