She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
