I cockslap morals
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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