In America we eat man semen.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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