tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
