i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
