I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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