i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
