the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
