I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
