we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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