she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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