We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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