He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
