Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize