Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
