Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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