This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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