so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
