Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
