thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
