i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
