Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
is that a dick in a sweater?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
